Even though it’s your wedding day, and it’s something you’ve been thinking about and dreaming about ever since you first watched Cinderella as a child, it’s not uncommon for a pushy wedding planner or an over-bearing mother to step in and try to take over some of the decisions that should be yours.
Brides need help. There’s no getting around that. There is simply too much that goes into a wedding for you to do it all by yourself between the guest lists, flowers, caterers, churches, the wedding party, tuxedos, your dress, etc.
But just because you’re enlisting the help of your best friend, mom, a wedding planner or all three doesn’t mean that you have to give up your dream wedding or give in to their ideas. Your wedding day is supposed to be about you and what you want.
When your mother doesn’t agree with the non-traditional color of dress you choose or your wedding planner tries to talk you into a chocolate fountain even though half your family is diabetic, it can quickly become more stressful having “help” than if you were planning the wedding by yourself.
Your wedding day is supposed to be “the happiest day of your life” which means the planning process should also be at least a little bit fun. So, if you find that the ideas you’ve had in mind for the last 10 years are being put down and argued with, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is your day, and you have a right to do what you want with your wedding.
If your issue is with a wedding planner or another wedding-related professional, you may simply need to walk away and find another one. Be sure to select a wedding planner carefully, and try to get customer feedback from other brides to make sure that you find someone who simply helps you do things your way, rather than trying to do things their way.
You can also have a heart-to-heart with your wedding planner if you think she can be reasoned with. She won’t want to lose a client, so make it clear to her that you are doing things your way with her help, not the other way around. A good wedding planner will understand when she’s crossed the line and should change her attitude immediately. If not, then it’s time to find someone else. Remember to be bold and to be clear with your intentions.
What can be more difficult to deal with is a family member who is pushing their opinions on you, because you can’t simply fire them and because you really don’t want to hurt their feelings. But you must approach them with the same bold attitude, clearly telling them what you want. If they truly love and respect you, they will see the err of their ways.
What is important is that you pull that family member aside, so it’s just you and them. That way, neither of you feels ganged up on. Always approach them with love, because you’re not asking them anything out of hatred or anger; you simply need your wedding to be done your way. Start by telling them how much they mean to you, and how much you appreciate their eagerness to share their ideas. Then explain to them that while you are glad for their involvement, you need things to be done your way.
Encourage them to continue to help you and to express opinions when you ask for them because having a second pair of eyes look over the invitations or menu can be helpful, but make it clear that you are the one that gets the final decision.
Some people just like to argue, and some people don’t know how to keep their comments to themselves. At that point, all you need to do is take a deep breath, remember how much you love them, and thank them for their opinion while you do what you want to do. What’s important is that you don’t let their negativity or contrasting opinions ruin your wedding day.